RSS

Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Good Question

I've been reading "A Maze of Grace" by Trish Ryan and at one place she says "I sensed God asking, 'Trish, what would your life be like if you believed that I'll take care of everything you've prayed for?  If you knew it would all work out?'"

Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I've been thinking of this a lot.  There were so many times in my life that I prayed desperately; I certainly wasn't sure I'd get the answer I was hoping for.  And for certain - I was not certain of what I did not see.  But what would life have been like if I would have believed -- after all, I was and am a child of  God.  But I didn't really believe that God thought enough of me to answer my prayers. 

So I wonder about the present time.  When I pray, do I just say the words or do I really believe that God is listening and that He will take care of what I'm praying for?

If we really believe when we pray, then we would not worry and scurry around trying to fix whatever the situation might be that we're praying for.

I had a wonderful grandmother who had several plaques on the walls that said things like "Why worry when you can pray"

And yet we worry.....

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The day after

We had a really nice Christmas Day with the family - at least most of the family was present.  Lots of good food, a time to open the gifts, mostly watch the children open their gifts and some good visiting.  I was really tired when we got home and fell asleep in front of the TV set watching a movie that wasn't good enough to keep me awake. 

Woke up feeling refreshed this morning, so I met my friend Janet for breakfast, then we went to the Christian Book Store so I could buy next year's Christmas cards at 50% off.  Then to another store where I bought a skirt and top for a friend.  This friend has been in a nursing home since October a year ago.  She's diabetic and had a leg amputated and has finally gotten her prosthesis leg, but hasn't had much therapy with it yet.  Her husband was able to bring her to church on Christmas Eve, and that was a blessing. 

This has been a Christmas season rich with blessings and answered prayers.  I've had so many Christmases that were very sad for a variety of reasons.  In January 1972, my mother suddenly died, only two weeks after Christmas.  And in 1991, my dad died two days after Christmas.  My first marriage ended a week or so before Christmas and then there were many other Christmas seasons that were very difficult for one reason or another.  Of course my life is not perfect now, nor do I expect it to be, I feel very blessed this year, and very thankful.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

A Blessed Christmas to All!

It's a beautiful Christmas morning here; the sky is blue, the sun is shining, the mountain tops are glistening with new snow.  My heart is warm this morning because of all that God has done for me and my family.  Most of all that He came as a baby so that He would walk where we walk, but then make the way for us all to be in heaven with Him some day.

I am busy making my contributions to the Christmas dinner:  the traditional "green bean casserole" and a pineapple bread pudding that goes so well with ham.  We are heading out to Ft. Collins where Paul's younger daughter and her family live.  There will be a houseful, including our young grandchildren Joey and Carly, as well as our adult grandchildren, and then also the two great-granddaughters.  The great-grandson lives in Bailey, CO, but we were able to see him and give him his gifts Monday evening. 

Our church service last night was beautiful, lots of Christmas music, a short message from our Pastor, and finally the song "Silent Night" sung with everyone holding candles.  It's always such a warm feeling to greet my friends at this service, and last night was special because Sharon, a friend who has been bedfast for over a year was able to attend.  It was so good to see her again. 

I am filled with thanksgiving for the blessings I have received from God.  Yesterday there was a really big blessing as I returned to the clinic for more tests which showed that the area in question on my last mammogram was benign. 

Monday, December 23, 2013


Sunday, December 22, 2013

Pictures from last night

My favorite gift that I gave my grandchildren was a book I wrote for them; it's the story of how they became part of their family, and I titled the book "How God Made a Family".  They were the first gifts I gave them last night.

Joey immediately sat down and read his book from cover to cover.

 
Carly was a little less excited about the book:
 
 
I always give them some clothes too.  Joey is never too excited about clothes, but this time he was.  He's really into dinosaurs now, and I found a pair of pajamas for him with a dinosaur motif.
 
 
 
Carly loved her new outfit....it's fun when they're so excited about new clothes that they immediately want to change into the new clothes.


They are both growing up so fast, and are such a blessing and joy to me.  I had to wait a long time to be a grandma, but this has made it the wait worthwhile.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

This morning there is a white blanket covering everything outside, and it's about 18 degrees as I write this.  But that's what makes it feel like Christmas!  I love the snow and the bright blue sky; in fact, when we don't have snow at Christmas, it just doesn't feel right.

I'm looking forward to my Sunday School class this morning.  It is a women's class - women of all ages (I am the oldest in the class, a title I gladly wear) and everyone speaks from the heart.  There is a lot of love in the class, we are all always glad to see each other on Sundays.  It is the best Sunday School experience I have ever had in all my 78 years.  We talk about personal issues in the light of God's word and it is great.

Last night my daughter and her family were here for our gift exchange.  I love to see my grandchildren open their gifts and be delighted with what they received.  And now they are old enough that they also like to give gifts and that also is fun. 

This week promises to be rather busy.  Tomorrow evening we'll be going out for dinner with part of the family, and on Wednesday the whole family will gather at the home of Paul's younger daughter.  We'll have lots to eat of course, but we'll also have fun playing board games.  Of course there will be gifts for the children.

Tuesday - I have to have a repeat mammogram; apparently something was found on my recent mammogram.  I'm trying not to worry, but no woman likes to receive a phone call of this nature. 

But now - it's time to get ready for church.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A grateful heart

Depression is a mental illness.
I know that's true, but I don't like it.
I'm not talking about "down in the dumps" or "feeling blue" kind of stuff.
I'm talking about real depression that almost makes life impossible.
I have had a problem with depression for many years.  In fact as I look back to my childhood, I think I was experiencing it even then but of course so many years ago no one thought much about depression.  But I remember having bouts of crying, of feeling very sad, without any special reason for it.

My brother likes to tease me about the time I ran away.  I was about 6 or 7 years old; we were living on the farm, and I packed some clothes in a paper sack and started walking down the driveway.  The last time he teased me about it, I told him the real story.  I've never forgotten it.  I felt unloved in my family, like it was my Mom and Dad and Brother on the inside, and I was on the outside looking in.  So I ran away, just hoping against hope that someone would call me back - "come back, we love you" - but it never happened.  I remember very clearly the feeling of resignation that came over me as I turned around and came home realizing that I didn't really matter.  That feeling of not belonging in my family never left me. 

One summer as a teenager, I went to church camp and as I walking along the path one day, the camp director and his wife stopped me and asked me how I was doing.  They showed genuine concern, and I can still picture them.  I couldn't say anything, and I just started weeping.  I wept and wept - and I couldn't say anything.  I can't imagine what they thought, and I never could explain myself to them.

Then through the years there were so many more rejections, betrayals, decisions that turned out badly.  So many times I was blamed for things that were not my fault and yet I had to carry the blame and the guilt. 
Life was hard.
There wasn't much joy.
Ever.
The problem with depression at this age is that it takes my mind back to all those experiences; I think the term is "rumination" - it's like turning every event over in mind to see why it happened the way it did and what I should have done or not done and why on earth did it happen, etc., etc., etc.  And then it feels so unfair.  Why did God bless others and not bless me?  Was I so much worse than everybody else?  I knew that from the time I was young, it was always my intention to serve the Lord - and yet life was so awful. And so at this age, with this rumination, there are so many regrets, so many "what ifs", so many "whys". 
By now you're wondering why the title of this post is "A grateful heart". 
It's because I have recently learned to be grateful for everything.  But oh my goodness -- it's not easy.  Most of all I am grateful to God for bringing me through very tough situations.  For bringing me to a place in life where I am loved and valued.  For providing a loving group of supportive friends who love me dearly. 
And now - and I hope I am able to continue this - when depressive thoughts knock on the door of my mind, I start thanking God for all His blessings, naming them one by one.  And the depression is turned away.

Monday, December 16, 2013

What a difference a few days make!

When I last posted here, it was bitterly cold with subzero temperatures for quite a few days.  As I'm writing this at 3:15 pm, it's 62 degrees! 

This morning I attended the funeral of the husband of a dear friend; he had suffered from depression a long time, and last Monday he took his own life.  The funeral service was really beautiful; their two daughters had each written tributes to their father and read them, and the pastor had a sermon about how nothing can separate us from the love of God.  The manner of his death was not avoided, but he had been well loved and respected by many and the church was filled to capacity.

I've finished my Christmas shopping, everything is wrapped and under the tree.  On Christmas Day the whole family will be at the home of Paul's daughter Janette; we will have a feast and it will be a fun day.  On Christmas Eve we will be going to church; this is something I always like to do.  Our church has a puppet ministry and they usually perform on Christmas Eve and they are wonderful. 

So now I'm doing the laundry, and resting a bit, as after the funeral I did a little shopping and that always tires me completely.  I have an electric wheelchair, and we have a lift in our van, but I don't know how to operate it and so I seldom use it when I go shopping, but when I do - it makes everything so much more enjoyable.  I know Paul would drive me to the store and pick me up again later, but I always think I should still be able to get around without the scooter, and then I get very tired.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Still cold.....

This is the longest streak of sub-zero temperatures in Colorado's history.  It has really been cold!  But it hasn't kept me at home all the time; on Friday I went Christmas shopping, and yesterday I went to a ladies tea.  Today is church, and afterwards we're invited to the home of some friends to watch the Broncos play Tennessee here in Denver; the predicted temperature for this afternoon is 12 degrees.  At least that's 12 degrees above zero!  The good thing about all of this is that I'm retired and I no longer have to leave the house at 7 a.m., get in a cold car and head off to work.  Such a blessing to be able to stay home where it's warm!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Brrrrrrrrr

That's all I can say this morning.  It's cold outside!
The sky is blue, the sun is shining, but it's about -10 where we live. 
Fortunately, we are retired and we don't have to leave the house if we don't want to.
The house is nice and warm, thanks to a roaring fire in our fireplace (and of course a very good furnace).  And warm clothes. 

It will not warm up for a few more days and I'm hoping I won't get stir-crazy in the meantime.
On Saturday afternoon I'm going to a ladies tea - no matter how cold it is!
After all, during my working years, I always got out in this kind of weather.
And - I grew up in South Dakota where it gets REALLY cold.

Actually, this is unusual for this part of Colorado.  We have had winters here where I never once put on a pair of gloves.  And once this huge cold air mass moves away from us, it will be back to the pleasant Colorado winter.